you'd think someone would have officially translated "Made in China" by now...

...and yet not.

For Halloween, my boyfriend dressed up as a cop chicken, i.e. he was wearing a yellow chicken mascot suit, with a policeman's uniform shirt and cap, bulletproof vest, baton, handcuffs and gun belt. It makes sense in French, since "poulet" (i.e. chicken, the meat) is also used as a slang term for policemen, somehwat like pig is used in English. Point of the story is, he purchased a holster for his air gun, to attach to his belt.

Again, "Made in China" gets butchered into "Fabriqué aux China." It appears that someone still hasn't gotten the memo.

But what caught my eye originally was the descriptive "Fits many pistols", which turned into "Peut contenir plusieurs pistolets". Sadly, no.

de dos après la pause...

Seen on the packaging for a paintball chest protector, or if you prefer, a protége poitrine (their accent, not mine!) It starts off OK, and it ends on a high note, but that middle part kinda got lost along the way:

Coolfoam(r) Inner
Intérieur Coolfoam(r)

Vented Polyester Construction
Décharge Polyester Construction

Chest And Back Protection
La Poitrine Et De Retour La Protection

ONE SIZE FITS MOST
TAILLE UNIQUE S'ADAPTE À LA PLUPART DES GABARITS

Need I mention it was "Fabrique a China"?

And since we're big fans of SAFETY FIRST, here's the warning on the side of the box (just the French; the original English is fairly straightforward legalese. Interestingly, the Spanish version refers to paintball simply as "el juego." Doesn't it have a name? Also, they couldn't find the word for deafness, since they translated it as "la pérdida del sentido de oído." My Spanish is nowhere good enough to judge that translation, but I'm guessing it's just as off as the French. Speaking of which, it would appear that they could find the "à" on the keyboard, so they switched it out for "á". Close enough.)

ADVERTISSEMENT
Respecter toutes les règles de sécurité du paintball. Toutes les personnes se trouvant á portée d'un lanceur de paintball doivent porter des lunettes, un masque et des protections auricularies spécialement adaptés au paintball. Si vous ne suivez pas les règles de sécurité du paintball, ainsi que les instructions et recommandations apparaissant ici, vous risquez de provoquer de bleessures au visage, aux yeux et aux oreilles pouvant eventuellemebt rendre une personne aveugle ou sourde. Ne lancer pas les billes de paintball á une vitesse dépassant 90 m/s (300pi/s).

addendum to my last post

Re: the car organizer/laptop table doodad. My boyfriend actually purchased another item from this marvelous collection - the AUTO on the go DINE TRAY (their capitalization, not mine.) It should also be noted that this unique item, which allows backseat passengers to have a fold-down table like in airplanes, was on sale, reduced from $21.97 to a mere $2.19. Yes folks, 90% off. That in itself you give you a clue.

Other than the name of the item and company ABC's name, there are fifteen words on the box - four bullet points describing the product's features:

• Clip for Snacks & Convenient Hook
• Storage pocket for Tissue
• Holds 500ml Cups
• Fold away case

The French side has a concise sixteen words:

• Compartiment pour mouchoir papier
• Contiens des gobelet jusqu'a 500ml
• Crochet pour les goûters
• Valise pliante

On the bright side, at least they got the translator that uses accents!

Armor tout, you say?

This is the instruction sheet for a car organizer/laptop table. There really isn't that much to say, except that whatever bits the "translator" (and I use the term loosely) didn't quite know what to do with simply went out the window and were omitted from the French version! For example, while the safety instructions are fully translated, the following warning is not:

Product must be securely belted in seat while vehicle is in motion! Do not use or extend any work surface while the vehicle is in motion. If vehicle has a center emergency brake or gear shift, slide out work surface must be in the locked position securely inside the XXX.

Failure to follow these instructions may results (sic) in serious injury or even death.

Le produit doit être attaché au siège quand le véhicule est en route.. Ne pas utilisez la surface de travail quand le véhicule est en mouvement.

Manquer les instructions suivantes peut résulter un sérieux danger et même la mort.

Hmm, OK. Or how about this bit of the limited warranty:

The warranty registration card must be on the file with ABC in order to activate the warranty.

(...)

ABC shall not be liable for any loss...whether resulting from breach or warranty or any other legal theory even if ABC has been advised of the possibility of such changes.

The warranty gives you specific legal rights. You may also have other rights which vary from state to state.

Now, about that last bit: the product is made in China and distributed by a Toronto company, but states it shall be for all. So, here's the equivalent:

La carte d'enregistrement de Garantie doit être le ticket de caisse.

(...)

ABC ne sont pas concernés en cas de perte...si résultant de l'infraction de garantie ou de n'importe quelle autre théorie légale même si les XXX ont été averti de la possibilité de tels dommages.

I think the best part so far is how the product, rather than the company, is the one that has been advised of the possibility of damages. But the absolute best bit follows in the instructions:

Keep the plastic base looking new by applying a small amount of Armor all being careful to avoid areas that touch your seat fabric or leather.

Maintaining the anti-skid material:

Simply apply several drops of water to the rubber material or spray the top with water. Using your hand, rub it in until its (sic) evenly distributed.

This will renew the grip as well as erase any marks that may come from daily use.

Thank you for purchasing the XXX!

This particular bit, on the right side of the leaflet, doesn't have a single accent, while the left side at least made that particular effort. Maybe they just gave up. I think they must have, because things really start going downhill from here.

Gardez la base en etat de neuf en appliquant une petite quantite d'Armor tout (get it? get it? Armor ALL!) en faisant attention d'eviter les parties qui touche le tissus ou le cuir du siege.

Maintien du materiel anti-derapant:

Simplement ajouter quelques gouttes d'eau au caoutchouc ou pulverisez le dessus avec de l'eau.

En utilisant votre maim frottez j'usqu'a que ce soit egalement repandu.

Ceci renouvellera la poignee et aussi effacera les marques survenues pendant l'usage quotidien

Merci d'acquerir XXX

a billboard-sized ouch

Seen on a Smirnoff Ice ad on a billboard by the side of the highway:

"Agrumes et Smirnoff : amis (avec bénéfices)"

I instantly translated back into its original version in my mind, and thought it a half-decent ad. Problem is, I have yet to find a single person who knows this saying in French. Everyone either does what I did or just shrugs. A quick Google search reveals exactly 62 uses of this string of words, most of which are French or Belgian.

Nice try, but no cocktail.

ayoye

I recently acquired a new wireless controller for my game console (so I could sing on RockBand, actually.) Not one of those cheap knockoffs, the original licensed kind. So imagine the horror when I read the back (I won't bother posting the English version; the French is understandable, just WAAAAAY ugly):

Soigneusement lire l'information sur ce packet avant l'usage. Pour les instructions détaillés et méthodes d'usage, se référer aux instructions si dessous ainsi que le livret instructions pour la système AAA.

3 PIELS AAA (NON FOURNIES)

MODE D'EMPLOY

L'installation de Pile Instruction:
- Enlever la couverture de compartiment de pile et installer les piles dans le compartiment (assurer que vos piles sont placées dans la direction indique). Remplacer la couverture de pile une fois complète.
- Insérer le connecteur de récepteur dans au port de contrôleur sur votre système de AAA.
- Allumer votre système AAA.
- Le lien "link" clignotera sur le controlleur pour quelques secondes et le récepteur commencera à chercher le signale.
- Une fois le contrôleur est a mis avec le récepteur, l'indicateur "Link" restera allume. - La lumière "Link" éteindra quand le contrôleur est éteint ou est dans le mode de sommeil.
- Afin d'éviter des conflits entre le fonctionnement de contrôleurs, chaque est distribué une ID unique. Cependant, s'il y a un besoin de metre en liens le contrôleur et le récepteur, simplement appuyer le boutton "Force Link" sur le récepteur en premier, et alors sur le contrôleur. La lumière "Link" clignotera pour quelques secondes et le récepteur commencera à chercher le signale.
- Précaution de sûreté : Suivre les instructions du fabricant de pile auinsi que celle dans votre livret de AAA.
Mode someil:
- Le contrôleur reviendra en mode Someil quand le contrôleur n'est pas utilisé pour une période de deux minutes. Vus pouvez réveillé le controlleur du mode de sommeil en appuyant n'importe quel clefs suivant, "Mode", "Select", "Start", "L3" ou "R3".
Avertissant bas pouvoir:
- Sous les conditions basses de pouvoir, la lumière "Link" clignotera et le mode de vibration éteindra automatiquement.
Vibration:
- Les mode de base du function vibration du contrôleurs est active.
- Pour éteindre la fonction de vibration, appuyer le bouton de vibration une fois. Le contrôleur vibrera deux fois pour confirmer.
- Pour allumer la fonction vibration, appuyer le bouton de vibration une fois et le contrôleur vibrera une fois pour indiquer que la vibration est active.
- Précaution de sûreté : Arrêter utilisant cette unité tout de suite si vous sentez fatigué ou si vous commencez à sentir le malaise ou la douleur pendant l'usage. La fonction de Vibration de ce produit peut aggraver des blessures. Ne pas utiliser la fonction de vibration si vous avez une indisposition ou une blessure aux os, les joints ou les muscles de vos mains ou de vos bras.
BBB garantit à L'acheteur d'origine que ce produit n'aura aucun vie de matériel ni de fabrication pour une periode d'un (1) an à partir du date de l'achat.

OK, I will actually add the limited warranty part in English, because the clauses actually differ! As well, the forces that be just got tired of trying to figure out accents, so they just omitted them entirely.

LIMITED WARRANTY
BBB warrants the original purchaser that this product will be free from defects in material and workmanship for a period of one (1) year from the date of purchase. If this product is deemed to be defective by BBB during the warranty period, BBB's liability will be limited to the repair or replacement of this product. This warranty shall not apply if the product is a) used for commercial purposes (including rental) or is modified or tampered with b) is damaged by misuse, abuse, negligence, accident, wear and tear, or other causes unrelated to defective materials or workmanship.

GARANTIE LIMITÉE
BBB garantit à L'acheteur d'origine que ce produit n'aura aucun vie de materiel ni de fabrication pour une periode d'un (1) an à partir du date de l'achat. Cette garantie ne s'appliquera pas si ce produit a) est utilize a des fins commerciales b) subi des dommanges resultants d'un cas de force majeure, de l'utilisation improper ou abusive. La prevue d'achat sous forme de coupon de caisse ou de facture qui prouve que l'unite est encore couverte par la duree de la dite garantie doit etre presentee afin d'obtenir le service sous garantie.

POUR DES CLIENTS AU CANADA
Cette appareil conforme avec les normes Canadiens ICES-003 2004.

Les Logo de la gamme de produit AAA, CCC et le logo de famille de DDD sont des marques deposées de EEE. Ce produit est fabrique avec l'autorisation de FFF et sous licence par FFF.

SERVICE A LA CLIENTELE
Si vous avez des questions au sujet de ce produit, appelez notre ligne de soutien technique à 1-866-555-5555 appellez nous entre 8am-8pm ou allez à www.www.com.

well, isn't that...original

This one is literally short but sweet.

The lid on my apple sauce cup states that the flavour is "Original APPLE."

Or, as they say in French. "POMMES AU Goût Original."

Hmm, I see... original-tasting apples, you say? Maybe next time I'll try the new-tasting apples, the ones that taste like blueberries!

sleeping with the enemy

Some months ago, I purchased a blanket for lounging in front of the TV. It's an odd little size, 50" by 60", so the simplest way to tell the longest size is by the tag that sticks out one side. It caught my eye when I pulled it out of the washing machine - the horror! I had been sleeping with the enemy all this time.

On one side:

UPC: xxxxxx
Content:
Front:
Back:

Machine wash cold.
Do not bleach.
Tumble dry.
Do not iron.
Do not dry clean.

Made in China

On the other:

PUC: xxxxxx
Composition:
Avant:
Dos:

Lavage froid en machine.
Pas de chlorage
Gringolade sèche
Pas de repassagedé
Pas de nettoyage à sec.

Fabriqué en Chine

OK, if you don't know that UPC is actually CUP, you can just jumble the letters and hope for the best. Unfortunately, this time they struck out. I didn't even know "chlorage" was a word until I Googled it up and got 19,500 hits. I'm even willing to forgive the typo "dé". But "gringolade sèche"? That had me wiping away tears of laughter.

not evil, but an evil task

I sat on the fence for a while, wondering whether to post this one. It's not a bad translation; heck, it looks like the translators really tried. Of course, that may be part of the problem. It looks like a translation, and it does not succeed, marketing-wise, in the target language. Of course, the translators probably weren't given the latitude required to adapt the text into French, which is what was called for in this instance. As well, I can hardly disguise the origin of this text, if you care to look it up, but I won't state the manufacturer outright. Here goes:

The original:

Bounce technology replaces traditional foam material with bouncy, structured elements that stretch and pop back to launch you into your next step.

Only the best and bounciest make it into these shoes. Big cushioning. Big bounce.

And in French:

La nouvelle technologie Bounce remplace la mousse traditionnelle par des éléments structurés qui s'étendent et reprennent rapidement leur forme donnant plus d'élan à votre prochaine foulée.

Seuls les meilleurs matériaux, les plus élastiques et rebondissants, se retrouvent dans ces chaussures. Excellent amortissement. Excellent rebond.

Nice try, but ouch.

the future is not very franco-friendly

Nelson Dumais, tech writer for Montreal's French daily La Presse, just had a hissy fit over a poorly-written press release (in French.)

His post attracted the comments of a number of translators who were convinced (as was I) that the press release was initially written in English. A quick search on the Telus website turned up the original version.

I don't usually publicize the names of the owners of these aberrations, but I didn't start this one; I just thought it would be right at home on this blog.

how much mischief can a five-letter word cause?

All kinds, apparently.

At a downtown mall, there are about a dozen leather recliner-type massage chairs that will soothe your overworked, all-shopped-out back and behind for a few minutes for a few bucks.

On each headrest, the company thought of embroidering "Enjoy a massage!" as advertisement when the recliners are unoccupied. But this being Quebec, someone had to come up with a French version. The final product:

Appréciez un massage!

This a classic false cognate (or false friend) that translates back to "Assess a massage!". Not only that, but even if you grant the French "apprécier" the same meaning as the English "appreciate", it still sounds clunky and awkward. You cannot just enjoin someone to appreciate something - not in French at any rate.

out of the corner of my eye

My boyfriend bought a Bluetooth headset yesterday. The French translation on the box was impeccable, as were the instruction manuals included with the device.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, on the underside of the box:

Made in Taiwan - Fait dans le Taïwan

Now, if there was ever a group of words that did not need "re-translating"...that had to be it.

As I was about to put the box back down, something else caught my eye, right on the front of the packaging. The features were in both languages - no complaints there - but down in the corner, it appears that "Innovations International CES" had awarded this particular product a "Design & Engineering Showcase Honors" prize. Well done! Of course, the logo itself was not translated, and that was OK. But the explanatory note next to the logo read:

Award Winning Design - Attribuer Gagner la Conception

'Nuff said.

well, isn't that special

Here we go, in the original English:

Dear customer,

Thank you for choosing XXX as your one stop shop for all your communication needs. Here at XXX we believe in providing world class customer service and putting our customers first.

In reviewing our year-end records, we noticed that we have not yet received your updated documentation for proof of tax exemption. We want to ensure that you continue to benefit from tax exemption status.

If you still qualify for a tax exemption please forward us with proof. We require complete copies (front and back) of valid proof, of exemption, such as a Native Status Card, Diplomat passport or Official Signed Government Letterhead. Also please ensure to add your account number and the tax for which you are requesting an exemption.

All documentation can be faxed directly to us at 1-888-555-5555 or mailed to XXX. In order to avoid any disruption to your tax exemption, we will require all documentation by (date1). If you no longer qualify for a tax exemption, no action is required. If we do not hear from you, the exemption will be removed from your account as of (date1) and applicable taxes will be added to charges on your next invoice.

If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to call our customer service number at 1-888-555-5555. If for any reason you are not able to provide us the required documentation by (date1) and need to make special arrangements you may do so by contacting us at the above numbers.

Sincerely,

And now, on the reverse side of this letter:

(date, in English)

Nous vous remercions d'avoir choisi XXX comme fournisseur unique pour tous vos besoins en matière de communication. Ici à XXX, nous voulons fournir un service à la clientèle de classe mondiale et toujours mettre nos clients en premier.

Dans nos rapports de fin d'année, nous avons remarqué que nous n'avons pas encore reçu les documents mis à jour de votre preuve d'admissibilité à l'exemption des taxes. Nous voulons nous assurer que vous continuerez de bénéficier du statut de l'exemption des taxes.

Si vous êtes encore admissible à l'exemption des taxes, veuillez nous en envoyer la preuve. Nous exigeons les copies complètes (recto verso) des preuves d'exemption valides, telles que la carte de statut indien, le passeport diplomatique ou la Lettre portant l'en-tête officiel du gouvernement. Veuillez vous assurer aussi d'indiquer votre numéro de compte et la taxe pour laquelle vous demandez l'exemption.

Vous pouvez nous faire parvenir tous les documents directement par télécopieur au numéro 1-888-555-5555 ou les envoyer par courrier à XXX. Afin d'éviter toute interruption de votre exemption de taxes, nous exigeons tous les documents avant le (date1). Si vous n'êtes plus éligible à l'exemption des taxes, aucune action n'est requise. Si nous ne recevons pas de nouvelles, l'exemption sera supprimée de votre compte en date du (date2), et les taxes applicables seront ajoutées à vos frais sur la facture suivante.

Si vous avez des questions ou des préoccupations, n'hésitez pas à nous contacter directement au 1-888-555-5555. Si pour une raison quelconque vous ne serez pas en mesure de nous fournir les documents nécessaires avant le (date1), et que vous avez besoin d'arrangements spéciaux, veuillez nous contacter au numéros mentionnées ci-dessus.

Veuillez agréer, Monsieur/Madame, l'expression de nos salutations distinguées.

Now, I could go on about how the dates don't match up between the two versions, how there are even mistakes in the original, how certain passages are more than a little clumsy, how the punctuation is really weird, but how overall, it was a better effort than a lot of the texts I will post here.

Instead, I will merely state that this was received last September from my former cell-phone provider. OK, I am not, and I never have been, a Native, a diplomat or a government official; furthermore, I have not done business with this partcular company for nearly five years. Why? Well, mostly because they got into this habit of calling me to complain I had not paid their bill about two days before I got said bill in the mail. They did this, regardless of the date of my last payment, for six months. Then I told them to @#$% off. So I should thank them for proving me right. But I digress.

Accuracy trumps appropriate language use any day of the week.

perspicacités verticales ?

This one was forwarded by a friend of mine with the comment, "This is what the world will look like when you are no longer around..." It was a bilingual .pdf sent by email, and as long as the reader only read the English version, which came first, the company pretty much retained its credibility.

Dear AAA member,

BBB, a leading fact-based, market research firm has partnered with CCC to bring you exclusive access to the latest BBB analysis, market-moving news and vertical insights. A subsidiary of $1.3 billion DDD (NYSE:DDD), BBB has benchmarked hundreds of thousands of companies priorities for success.

BBB Access allows members the full breadth of BBB's research library. With more than 5,500 research pieces and growing daily, BBB's research library helps you, the end user, discover the priorities of Best in Class enterprises.

This program, a $995 per user value, is being presented in conjunction with CCC. As a member of CCC, you are eligible for a one-year, complimentary membership to BBB Access.

Additionally, you will be able to anonymously benchmark your own organization's performance against the performance of Aberdeen's Best in Class enterprises.

Located on the CCC web site will be a banner allowing access to BBB's library. Just visit the homepage at www. to get started with your free membership in less than 30 seconds. Your private access to a world of fact-based research is just a click away.

Once again, welcome to the world of BBB.

Best regards,

Once in French, though...

Cher membre de câble coaxial,

BBB, une conduite fait-basée, entreprise d'études du marché a collaboré avec CCC pour t'apporter l'accès exclusif à la dernière analyse de BBB, aux nouvelles marchés-mobiles et aux perspicacités verticales. Une filiale des DDD $1.3 milliards (NYSE:DDD). BBB a évalué des centaines de milliers de priorités de compagnies pour le succès.

BBB permet à ses membres la pleine largeur de la bibliothèque des recherches de BBB. Avec plus de 5.500 documents de recherches et s'élevant quotidien, les aides de bibliothèque des recherches de BBB vous, l'utilisateur, découvrez les priorités du meilleur entreprises de classe.

Ce programme, $995 par personne, est présenté en même temps que CCC. En tant que membre de CCC, vous êtes éligible une adhésion d'une année et élogieuse à BBB.

En plus, vous pourrez évaluer anonyme l'exécution de votre propre organisation contre l'exécution de BBB les entreprises meilleurs dans la classe.

Situé sur le site Web de CCC être une bannière en permettant l'accès à la bibliothèque de BBB. Visitez la page d'accueil chez www. et commencez votre adhésion libre en moins de 30 secondes. Votre accès privé à un monde de recherche fait-basée est juste un clic loin.

De nouveau, bienvenue au monde de BBB.

Les souvenirs,

rule #1: do not spontaneously translate your company name

This one caught us by surprise at work. It solicits us to advertise in their magazine, an English-language magazine distributed almost exclusively to an American audience. Yet here was this email...in French.

Cher Helene :

J'ai noté votre annonce de pleine page dans la question d'avril de AAA, et je suis curieux quant à vos pensées derrière courir cette annonce en leur magasin. BBB a toutes les bases de données de AAA et de CCC, environ 2.000-3.000 parce que nous sommes des membres des deux associations. Ma question est pourquoi vous courent une annonce en leur magasin quand nous avons 15.000 personnes sur notre circulation ? Je vous apprécierais m'éclairant car il me permettra de faire mon travail mieux.

Joint est notre kit courant de médias et notre information d'annuaire de BBB pour votre revue. Évidemment, nous voudrions avoir plus de vos affaires et voudrions savoir l'obtenir. Peut-être, XXX a une nouveaux produit ou a obtenu un contrat/ordre importants. Si oui, je pourrais essayer d'obtenir XXX un certain éditorial dans un magazine prochain.

L'annuaire de BBB est nos Yellow Pages annuels de `' et est le seul dans l'industrie, et je pense que ceci peut être une option viable pour toi.

Merci à l'avance, et j'attends avec intérêt votre réponse. Serez-vous à l'exposition d'AAA ? Nous exhibons là aussi bien et les clients courants visitants.

Sincèrement,

Now, honestly, that was horrendous, for so many reasons that this humble blog cannot begin to describe them all. But it gets even funnier in the signature, where not only is the magazine name translated in (horrible) French, but it's not even the same bad translation as it is in the body of the email:

Côte 555-555-5555 x 7 occidentale
555-555-5555 côte est
555-555-5555 fax

Austin, Baltimore,
Pi. Lauderdale, et L. A.

"Pi. Lauderdale"??? Took a few seconds to realize their system had read "Ft." as Foot (like the measure of length), not Fort, and thus translated into the abreviation for "pied", "Pi."

So how did this all turn out? Well, we were in fact present at said expo, and we met with the person we usually deal with at this magazine. She was horrified, but did mention in passing that the "entrepreneurial" soul who had produced this gem was no longer with the company. Hmm.