sleeping with the enemy

Some months ago, I purchased a blanket for lounging in front of the TV. It's an odd little size, 50" by 60", so the simplest way to tell the longest size is by the tag that sticks out one side. It caught my eye when I pulled it out of the washing machine - the horror! I had been sleeping with the enemy all this time.

On one side:

UPC: xxxxxx
Content:
Front:
Back:

Machine wash cold.
Do not bleach.
Tumble dry.
Do not iron.
Do not dry clean.

Made in China

On the other:

PUC: xxxxxx
Composition:
Avant:
Dos:

Lavage froid en machine.
Pas de chlorage
Gringolade sèche
Pas de repassagedé
Pas de nettoyage à sec.

Fabriqué en Chine

OK, if you don't know that UPC is actually CUP, you can just jumble the letters and hope for the best. Unfortunately, this time they struck out. I didn't even know "chlorage" was a word until I Googled it up and got 19,500 hits. I'm even willing to forgive the typo "dé". But "gringolade sèche"? That had me wiping away tears of laughter.

Carlito said what?!?

WWE Superstar Carlito recently gave an interview during a promotional tour in Chile.

Here's the original text in Spanish, as posted by PRWrestling.com:

Al ser preguntado sobre le hecho de que Triple H está casado en la vida real con Stephanie McMahon, el boricua dijo: "Puede que me meta en problemas, pero para eso estoy aquí y no me importa. Mi opinión es que fue una movida muy inteligente de su parte, creo que por eso es campeón ahora y por eso ha sido campeón en varias casiones, el camino se le hace más fácil. Nosotros que somos luchadores verdaderos y no dependemos de personas dentro del negocio para subir de puesto, no tenemos ese beneficio, tenemos que luchar más y dar el máximo. A otros les dan el campeonato en un plato de oro, de platino y me alegro por él", señaló.

Carlito luego añadió: "Cena, aunque hay muchos aquí que lo odian, ustedes no saben lo mucho que él trabaja y lo mucho que adora a sus fanáticos. Ustedes sólo lo ven por televisión y sé que a Cena se lo meten por la boca, por los ojos y los oídos, pero a la vez tendrían que apreciar el esfuerzo y todo lo que hace, no sólo dentro del cuadrilátero. Siempre está haciendo promociones a nivel mundial, tiene pocos días libres, él los dedica a los fanáticos. Por más que odien a John Cena tienen que respetarlo", afirmó.

"A Triple H nunca lo he visto haciendo promociones, no lo veo viajando a Chile, Paraguay, sitios así, él siempre está comodito en su casa y eso indica quién le da a ustedes el ciento por ciento y quién no", agregó el boricua.

Of course, attacking Triple H publically is a pretty ballsy thing to do, so the story was picked up by a plethora of wrestling news websites. In most cases, it would appear that each one translated the bits they wanted to publish on their own, with varying levels of success. One site, though, takes the cake with its take on what Carlito said:

Upon being asked about Triple H's marriage with Stephanie McMahon, he said: "That put me in problems, but for that I am here and it does not matter to me. My opinion is that was a very intelligent scene of its part, I believe that therefore he is champion now and therefore has been champion in several occasions. We that are true fighters do not depend on people inside the business to rise from position, we do not have that benefit, we have to fight more and give the maximum. To others they give them the championship in a dish of gold or platinum, and I'm happy for him".

Carlito then added about John Cena: "Although there are many here that hate him, you do not know how much he works and how much he worships his fanatics. He's always doing promotions on a worldwide basis, has few free days, he dedicates himself to the fanatics. No matter how much they hate Cena, they have to respect him."

"To Triple H never I have seen him doing promotions, I don't see him travelling to Chile, Paraguay, or any other place, he always is comfortable in his house and that indicates who gives you one hundred percent and who not", Carlito added.

Um, what? From the very beginning, where "This might land me in hot water" is rendered as "That put me in problems," you knew we were in for a rough ride. I also like how the bit about the road being easier for Triple H just disappears. So does the second sentence about John Cena. As well, once it was translated, couldn't they have fixed "fanatics"? And finally, "and who not"? Really? Is that like a dead resident of Whoville or something?

Actually, what happens if we Babelfish the original? Here's the result of the first paragraph:

Perhaps it puts to me in problems, but for that I am here and it does not matter to me. My opinion is that one very intelligent one was moved of its part, I believe that for that reason he is champion now and for that reason has been champion in several occasions, the way to him becomes easier. We who we are true fighters and do not depend on people within the business to raise of position, do not have that benefit, must fight and give the maximum more. To others they give the championship them in a gold plate, of platinum and I am glad for him.

Actually, what happens is something very, very similar...and just as bad. Although if you really want to giggle, Babelfish the second paragraph and enjoy hearing about the exploits of John Dinner.

not evil, but an evil task

I sat on the fence for a while, wondering whether to post this one. It's not a bad translation; heck, it looks like the translators really tried. Of course, that may be part of the problem. It looks like a translation, and it does not succeed, marketing-wise, in the target language. Of course, the translators probably weren't given the latitude required to adapt the text into French, which is what was called for in this instance. As well, I can hardly disguise the origin of this text, if you care to look it up, but I won't state the manufacturer outright. Here goes:

The original:

Bounce technology replaces traditional foam material with bouncy, structured elements that stretch and pop back to launch you into your next step.

Only the best and bounciest make it into these shoes. Big cushioning. Big bounce.

And in French:

La nouvelle technologie Bounce remplace la mousse traditionnelle par des éléments structurés qui s'étendent et reprennent rapidement leur forme donnant plus d'élan à votre prochaine foulée.

Seuls les meilleurs matériaux, les plus élastiques et rebondissants, se retrouvent dans ces chaussures. Excellent amortissement. Excellent rebond.

Nice try, but ouch.

I thought words mattered?!?

Ever since I started translating, I've noticed that a lot of English-language journalists translate French news quotes off the cuff, with varying levels of success.

This one caught my eye in the morning paper. In an article about protesters targeting the Unborn Victims of Crime Act, the reporter describes a sign brandished by a protester:

Epp, Harper: Je vais ce que je veux avec mes oeufs.

somehow turned into

What I do with my ovaries is up to me.

Um, close but no cigar. Somebody needs a refresher course in basic biology/anatomy/sex ed.

the future is not very franco-friendly

Nelson Dumais, tech writer for Montreal's French daily La Presse, just had a hissy fit over a poorly-written press release (in French.)

His post attracted the comments of a number of translators who were convinced (as was I) that the press release was initially written in English. A quick search on the Telus website turned up the original version.

I don't usually publicize the names of the owners of these aberrations, but I didn't start this one; I just thought it would be right at home on this blog.