you'd think someone would have officially translated "Made in China" by now...

...and yet not.

For Halloween, my boyfriend dressed up as a cop chicken, i.e. he was wearing a yellow chicken mascot suit, with a policeman's uniform shirt and cap, bulletproof vest, baton, handcuffs and gun belt. It makes sense in French, since "poulet" (i.e. chicken, the meat) is also used as a slang term for policemen, somehwat like pig is used in English. Point of the story is, he purchased a holster for his air gun, to attach to his belt.

Again, "Made in China" gets butchered into "Fabriqué aux China." It appears that someone still hasn't gotten the memo.

But what caught my eye originally was the descriptive "Fits many pistols", which turned into "Peut contenir plusieurs pistolets". Sadly, no.

accents are not optional in French

Spotted in a small-sized electronics store, over a display for radios of some sort:

BRAND NAME (the all caps is their idea, not mine)
UNE PERFORMANCE INEGALE

The original was probably in German, or perhaps in English. Either way, I'm guessing they were going for "Une performance inégalée", so they not only dropped a couple of accents (which we use, even on caps), but they left out the final "e" (dastardly past participles, they are!), which turns "Unparalleled performance" into "Uneven performance." Oops.

de dos après la pause...

Seen on the packaging for a paintball chest protector, or if you prefer, a protége poitrine (their accent, not mine!) It starts off OK, and it ends on a high note, but that middle part kinda got lost along the way:

Coolfoam(r) Inner
Intérieur Coolfoam(r)

Vented Polyester Construction
Décharge Polyester Construction

Chest And Back Protection
La Poitrine Et De Retour La Protection

ONE SIZE FITS MOST
TAILLE UNIQUE S'ADAPTE À LA PLUPART DES GABARITS

Need I mention it was "Fabrique a China"?

And since we're big fans of SAFETY FIRST, here's the warning on the side of the box (just the French; the original English is fairly straightforward legalese. Interestingly, the Spanish version refers to paintball simply as "el juego." Doesn't it have a name? Also, they couldn't find the word for deafness, since they translated it as "la pérdida del sentido de oído." My Spanish is nowhere good enough to judge that translation, but I'm guessing it's just as off as the French. Speaking of which, it would appear that they could find the "à" on the keyboard, so they switched it out for "á". Close enough.)

ADVERTISSEMENT
Respecter toutes les règles de sécurité du paintball. Toutes les personnes se trouvant á portée d'un lanceur de paintball doivent porter des lunettes, un masque et des protections auricularies spécialement adaptés au paintball. Si vous ne suivez pas les règles de sécurité du paintball, ainsi que les instructions et recommandations apparaissant ici, vous risquez de provoquer de bleessures au visage, aux yeux et aux oreilles pouvant eventuellemebt rendre une personne aveugle ou sourde. Ne lancer pas les billes de paintball á une vitesse dépassant 90 m/s (300pi/s).

addendum to my last post

Re: the car organizer/laptop table doodad. My boyfriend actually purchased another item from this marvelous collection - the AUTO on the go DINE TRAY (their capitalization, not mine.) It should also be noted that this unique item, which allows backseat passengers to have a fold-down table like in airplanes, was on sale, reduced from $21.97 to a mere $2.19. Yes folks, 90% off. That in itself you give you a clue.

Other than the name of the item and company ABC's name, there are fifteen words on the box - four bullet points describing the product's features:

• Clip for Snacks & Convenient Hook
• Storage pocket for Tissue
• Holds 500ml Cups
• Fold away case

The French side has a concise sixteen words:

• Compartiment pour mouchoir papier
• Contiens des gobelet jusqu'a 500ml
• Crochet pour les goûters
• Valise pliante

On the bright side, at least they got the translator that uses accents!

Armor tout, you say?

This is the instruction sheet for a car organizer/laptop table. There really isn't that much to say, except that whatever bits the "translator" (and I use the term loosely) didn't quite know what to do with simply went out the window and were omitted from the French version! For example, while the safety instructions are fully translated, the following warning is not:

Product must be securely belted in seat while vehicle is in motion! Do not use or extend any work surface while the vehicle is in motion. If vehicle has a center emergency brake or gear shift, slide out work surface must be in the locked position securely inside the XXX.

Failure to follow these instructions may results (sic) in serious injury or even death.

Le produit doit être attaché au siège quand le véhicule est en route.. Ne pas utilisez la surface de travail quand le véhicule est en mouvement.

Manquer les instructions suivantes peut résulter un sérieux danger et même la mort.

Hmm, OK. Or how about this bit of the limited warranty:

The warranty registration card must be on the file with ABC in order to activate the warranty.

(...)

ABC shall not be liable for any loss...whether resulting from breach or warranty or any other legal theory even if ABC has been advised of the possibility of such changes.

The warranty gives you specific legal rights. You may also have other rights which vary from state to state.

Now, about that last bit: the product is made in China and distributed by a Toronto company, but states it shall be for all. So, here's the equivalent:

La carte d'enregistrement de Garantie doit être le ticket de caisse.

(...)

ABC ne sont pas concernés en cas de perte...si résultant de l'infraction de garantie ou de n'importe quelle autre théorie légale même si les XXX ont été averti de la possibilité de tels dommages.

I think the best part so far is how the product, rather than the company, is the one that has been advised of the possibility of damages. But the absolute best bit follows in the instructions:

Keep the plastic base looking new by applying a small amount of Armor all being careful to avoid areas that touch your seat fabric or leather.

Maintaining the anti-skid material:

Simply apply several drops of water to the rubber material or spray the top with water. Using your hand, rub it in until its (sic) evenly distributed.

This will renew the grip as well as erase any marks that may come from daily use.

Thank you for purchasing the XXX!

This particular bit, on the right side of the leaflet, doesn't have a single accent, while the left side at least made that particular effort. Maybe they just gave up. I think they must have, because things really start going downhill from here.

Gardez la base en etat de neuf en appliquant une petite quantite d'Armor tout (get it? get it? Armor ALL!) en faisant attention d'eviter les parties qui touche le tissus ou le cuir du siege.

Maintien du materiel anti-derapant:

Simplement ajouter quelques gouttes d'eau au caoutchouc ou pulverisez le dessus avec de l'eau.

En utilisant votre maim frottez j'usqu'a que ce soit egalement repandu.

Ceci renouvellera la poignee et aussi effacera les marques survenues pendant l'usage quotidien

Merci d'acquerir XXX

Please, find the English message below

That was written in big, bold, red letters across the top of an email sent out by an IT department to all employees of a multinational firm. Odds are this was going to be good.

Helpdesk informatique
Diminution du service informatique le 25 septembre 2008

Bonjour,

L'équipe ABC vous informe qu'elle sera à l'extérieur des bureaux le 25 septembre prochain.

Exceptionnellement, le service informatique sera maintenu par un technicien durant la journée. Prendre note que le support XYZ n'est pas touché par cette activité.

Nous sollicitons votre collaboration afin d'adresser les demandes urgentes seulement.

Nous vous remercions pour votre compréhension.

Simple enough, right? Um, no.

IT helpdesk
IT service reduce on September 25th 2008

Hi,

ABC team wants to inform you that they will be out of office on September 25th.

Exceptionally, the service will be maintained by only one technician during the day. Please take note that the XYZ support will not be affected by this activity.

We seek your collaboration by requesting only urgent demand.

We thank you for your comprehension.

Is understandable really enough? I'd like to request an urgent demand, please, with a side of comprehension.

a billboard-sized ouch

Seen on a Smirnoff Ice ad on a billboard by the side of the highway:

"Agrumes et Smirnoff : amis (avec bénéfices)"

I instantly translated back into its original version in my mind, and thought it a half-decent ad. Problem is, I have yet to find a single person who knows this saying in French. Everyone either does what I did or just shrugs. A quick Google search reveals exactly 62 uses of this string of words, most of which are French or Belgian.

Nice try, but no cocktail.