now make sure you take part in that information, you hear?

The French version is poor to begin with (the "apprécierions" false cognate, the fact that the person is only required to sign to attest they have read the document, not that they will actually comply! And I could go on.)

Cher fournisseur,

Comme vous le savez déjà, XXX, une division de YYY, est une compagnie appartenant maintenant à 100% à ZZZ. Nous mettons à jour actuellement nos systèmes communs de ZZZ et nous avons constaté que vous n’avez pas encore signé les conditions générales d’achat de ZZZ. Depuis quelques années XXX se réfère à la norme de ZZZ concernant ses conditions générales d’achat.

Nous apprécierions obtenir votre signature à l’effet que vous avez bien reçu la présente lettre et pris connaissance de son contenu. (voir plus bas pour signature)

□ Je confirme au nom de mon entreprise que nous avons reçu la présente lettre et pris connaissance de son contenu.

Of course, at this point, the translation can only go from bad to worse. Although congratulations are in order for adding the "and accept" bit, I would still need someone to explain to me what I would be signing, since I cannot quite seem to wrap my mind around the "taken part of the complete information of it" part. So, we accept the letter? The information? It's still not quite accepting to abide by the terms and conditions, is it? I would love to see how this would be picked apart in court by a mob of angry lawyers.

Dear supplier:

As you know, XXX, a division of YYY, is now a ZZZ company to 100% since not so long. We are currently updating our common ZZZ systems and we have found that you have not signed our ZZZ Standard Purchasing Conditions. Since a couple of years XXX refers to the ZZZ Standard Purchasing conditions as valid conditions on all purchase orders.

We would appreciate getting the signature on the attached documentation about the ZZZ Purchasing Conditions.

□ I confirm on behalf of my company that we have received this letter and have taken part of the complete information of it, and accept it.

how much mischief can a five-letter word cause?

All kinds, apparently.

At a downtown mall, there are about a dozen leather recliner-type massage chairs that will soothe your overworked, all-shopped-out back and behind for a few minutes for a few bucks.

On each headrest, the company thought of embroidering "Enjoy a massage!" as advertisement when the recliners are unoccupied. But this being Quebec, someone had to come up with a French version. The final product:

Appréciez un massage!

This a classic false cognate (or false friend) that translates back to "Assess a massage!". Not only that, but even if you grant the French "apprécier" the same meaning as the English "appreciate", it still sounds clunky and awkward. You cannot just enjoin someone to appreciate something - not in French at any rate.

out of the corner of my eye

My boyfriend bought a Bluetooth headset yesterday. The French translation on the box was impeccable, as were the instruction manuals included with the device.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, on the underside of the box:

Made in Taiwan - Fait dans le Taïwan

Now, if there was ever a group of words that did not need "re-translating"...that had to be it.

As I was about to put the box back down, something else caught my eye, right on the front of the packaging. The features were in both languages - no complaints there - but down in the corner, it appears that "Innovations International CES" had awarded this particular product a "Design & Engineering Showcase Honors" prize. Well done! Of course, the logo itself was not translated, and that was OK. But the explanatory note next to the logo read:

Award Winning Design - Attribuer Gagner la Conception

'Nuff said.

well, isn't that special

Here we go, in the original English:

Dear customer,

Thank you for choosing XXX as your one stop shop for all your communication needs. Here at XXX we believe in providing world class customer service and putting our customers first.

In reviewing our year-end records, we noticed that we have not yet received your updated documentation for proof of tax exemption. We want to ensure that you continue to benefit from tax exemption status.

If you still qualify for a tax exemption please forward us with proof. We require complete copies (front and back) of valid proof, of exemption, such as a Native Status Card, Diplomat passport or Official Signed Government Letterhead. Also please ensure to add your account number and the tax for which you are requesting an exemption.

All documentation can be faxed directly to us at 1-888-555-5555 or mailed to XXX. In order to avoid any disruption to your tax exemption, we will require all documentation by (date1). If you no longer qualify for a tax exemption, no action is required. If we do not hear from you, the exemption will be removed from your account as of (date1) and applicable taxes will be added to charges on your next invoice.

If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to call our customer service number at 1-888-555-5555. If for any reason you are not able to provide us the required documentation by (date1) and need to make special arrangements you may do so by contacting us at the above numbers.

Sincerely,

And now, on the reverse side of this letter:

(date, in English)

Nous vous remercions d'avoir choisi XXX comme fournisseur unique pour tous vos besoins en matière de communication. Ici à XXX, nous voulons fournir un service à la clientèle de classe mondiale et toujours mettre nos clients en premier.

Dans nos rapports de fin d'année, nous avons remarqué que nous n'avons pas encore reçu les documents mis à jour de votre preuve d'admissibilité à l'exemption des taxes. Nous voulons nous assurer que vous continuerez de bénéficier du statut de l'exemption des taxes.

Si vous êtes encore admissible à l'exemption des taxes, veuillez nous en envoyer la preuve. Nous exigeons les copies complètes (recto verso) des preuves d'exemption valides, telles que la carte de statut indien, le passeport diplomatique ou la Lettre portant l'en-tête officiel du gouvernement. Veuillez vous assurer aussi d'indiquer votre numéro de compte et la taxe pour laquelle vous demandez l'exemption.

Vous pouvez nous faire parvenir tous les documents directement par télécopieur au numéro 1-888-555-5555 ou les envoyer par courrier à XXX. Afin d'éviter toute interruption de votre exemption de taxes, nous exigeons tous les documents avant le (date1). Si vous n'êtes plus éligible à l'exemption des taxes, aucune action n'est requise. Si nous ne recevons pas de nouvelles, l'exemption sera supprimée de votre compte en date du (date2), et les taxes applicables seront ajoutées à vos frais sur la facture suivante.

Si vous avez des questions ou des préoccupations, n'hésitez pas à nous contacter directement au 1-888-555-5555. Si pour une raison quelconque vous ne serez pas en mesure de nous fournir les documents nécessaires avant le (date1), et que vous avez besoin d'arrangements spéciaux, veuillez nous contacter au numéros mentionnées ci-dessus.

Veuillez agréer, Monsieur/Madame, l'expression de nos salutations distinguées.

Now, I could go on about how the dates don't match up between the two versions, how there are even mistakes in the original, how certain passages are more than a little clumsy, how the punctuation is really weird, but how overall, it was a better effort than a lot of the texts I will post here.

Instead, I will merely state that this was received last September from my former cell-phone provider. OK, I am not, and I never have been, a Native, a diplomat or a government official; furthermore, I have not done business with this partcular company for nearly five years. Why? Well, mostly because they got into this habit of calling me to complain I had not paid their bill about two days before I got said bill in the mail. They did this, regardless of the date of my last payment, for six months. Then I told them to @#$% off. So I should thank them for proving me right. But I digress.

Accuracy trumps appropriate language use any day of the week.

we did it! we bastards!

This one was given to me by perhaps my favourite translation professor (Hi Roy!), so I thought I'd pass it on. It (obviously) went from French to English, except it went very very wrong.

Communiqué de presse

Chasse aux voleurs :

On a volé la plque commémorative du Grand Antonio !!

Montréal, vendredi 17 septembre 2004 - Quelques heures à peine se sont écoulées entre l'inauguration officielle de la plaque commémorative du Grand Antonio et le vol de celle-ci survenu la nuit dernière.

Alerté ce matin par une résidente du quartier qui était présente lors de l'événement hier soir au 3211 Beaubien Est, XXX à prévenue (sic) la police de Montréal qui est présentement à la recherche d'informations au sujet du vol.

Malgré cet acte de vandalisme et d'intimidation, XXX souhaite reproduire une 2ème plaque identique.

Toutes informations pertinentes (sic) concernant le vol peuvent être communiquées par téléphone au 555-5555.

And here we go in English, and it's a beaut:

Press Release

Thief hunt:

We stole the commemorative plaque honoring the Great Antonio !!

Montreal, Friday september 18th, 2004 - It had only been couple of hours between the official inauguration of the commemorative plaque honoring The Great Antonio and it's robbery that occured during the past night.

Alerted by a neighborhood resident who was present at last night's event at 3211 Beaubien East street, XXX alarmed the City of Montreal Police who are presently searching for information concerning the theft.

Although this intimidating act of vandalism took place, XXX wishes to reproduce a second identical plaque.

If you have any information on the robbery please communicate at 555-5555.