you'd think someone would have officially translated "Made in China" by now...

...and yet not.

For Halloween, my boyfriend dressed up as a cop chicken, i.e. he was wearing a yellow chicken mascot suit, with a policeman's uniform shirt and cap, bulletproof vest, baton, handcuffs and gun belt. It makes sense in French, since "poulet" (i.e. chicken, the meat) is also used as a slang term for policemen, somehwat like pig is used in English. Point of the story is, he purchased a holster for his air gun, to attach to his belt.

Again, "Made in China" gets butchered into "Fabriqué aux China." It appears that someone still hasn't gotten the memo.

But what caught my eye originally was the descriptive "Fits many pistols", which turned into "Peut contenir plusieurs pistolets". Sadly, no.

accents are not optional in French

Spotted in a small-sized electronics store, over a display for radios of some sort:

BRAND NAME (the all caps is their idea, not mine)
UNE PERFORMANCE INEGALE

The original was probably in German, or perhaps in English. Either way, I'm guessing they were going for "Une performance inégalée", so they not only dropped a couple of accents (which we use, even on caps), but they left out the final "e" (dastardly past participles, they are!), which turns "Unparalleled performance" into "Uneven performance." Oops.

de dos après la pause...

Seen on the packaging for a paintball chest protector, or if you prefer, a protége poitrine (their accent, not mine!) It starts off OK, and it ends on a high note, but that middle part kinda got lost along the way:

Coolfoam(r) Inner
Intérieur Coolfoam(r)

Vented Polyester Construction
Décharge Polyester Construction

Chest And Back Protection
La Poitrine Et De Retour La Protection

ONE SIZE FITS MOST
TAILLE UNIQUE S'ADAPTE À LA PLUPART DES GABARITS

Need I mention it was "Fabrique a China"?

And since we're big fans of SAFETY FIRST, here's the warning on the side of the box (just the French; the original English is fairly straightforward legalese. Interestingly, the Spanish version refers to paintball simply as "el juego." Doesn't it have a name? Also, they couldn't find the word for deafness, since they translated it as "la pérdida del sentido de oído." My Spanish is nowhere good enough to judge that translation, but I'm guessing it's just as off as the French. Speaking of which, it would appear that they could find the "à" on the keyboard, so they switched it out for "á". Close enough.)

ADVERTISSEMENT
Respecter toutes les règles de sécurité du paintball. Toutes les personnes se trouvant á portée d'un lanceur de paintball doivent porter des lunettes, un masque et des protections auricularies spécialement adaptés au paintball. Si vous ne suivez pas les règles de sécurité du paintball, ainsi que les instructions et recommandations apparaissant ici, vous risquez de provoquer de bleessures au visage, aux yeux et aux oreilles pouvant eventuellemebt rendre une personne aveugle ou sourde. Ne lancer pas les billes de paintball á une vitesse dépassant 90 m/s (300pi/s).

addendum to my last post

Re: the car organizer/laptop table doodad. My boyfriend actually purchased another item from this marvelous collection - the AUTO on the go DINE TRAY (their capitalization, not mine.) It should also be noted that this unique item, which allows backseat passengers to have a fold-down table like in airplanes, was on sale, reduced from $21.97 to a mere $2.19. Yes folks, 90% off. That in itself you give you a clue.

Other than the name of the item and company ABC's name, there are fifteen words on the box - four bullet points describing the product's features:

• Clip for Snacks & Convenient Hook
• Storage pocket for Tissue
• Holds 500ml Cups
• Fold away case

The French side has a concise sixteen words:

• Compartiment pour mouchoir papier
• Contiens des gobelet jusqu'a 500ml
• Crochet pour les goûters
• Valise pliante

On the bright side, at least they got the translator that uses accents!

Armor tout, you say?

This is the instruction sheet for a car organizer/laptop table. There really isn't that much to say, except that whatever bits the "translator" (and I use the term loosely) didn't quite know what to do with simply went out the window and were omitted from the French version! For example, while the safety instructions are fully translated, the following warning is not:

Product must be securely belted in seat while vehicle is in motion! Do not use or extend any work surface while the vehicle is in motion. If vehicle has a center emergency brake or gear shift, slide out work surface must be in the locked position securely inside the XXX.

Failure to follow these instructions may results (sic) in serious injury or even death.

Le produit doit être attaché au siège quand le véhicule est en route.. Ne pas utilisez la surface de travail quand le véhicule est en mouvement.

Manquer les instructions suivantes peut résulter un sérieux danger et même la mort.

Hmm, OK. Or how about this bit of the limited warranty:

The warranty registration card must be on the file with ABC in order to activate the warranty.

(...)

ABC shall not be liable for any loss...whether resulting from breach or warranty or any other legal theory even if ABC has been advised of the possibility of such changes.

The warranty gives you specific legal rights. You may also have other rights which vary from state to state.

Now, about that last bit: the product is made in China and distributed by a Toronto company, but states it shall be for all. So, here's the equivalent:

La carte d'enregistrement de Garantie doit être le ticket de caisse.

(...)

ABC ne sont pas concernés en cas de perte...si résultant de l'infraction de garantie ou de n'importe quelle autre théorie légale même si les XXX ont été averti de la possibilité de tels dommages.

I think the best part so far is how the product, rather than the company, is the one that has been advised of the possibility of damages. But the absolute best bit follows in the instructions:

Keep the plastic base looking new by applying a small amount of Armor all being careful to avoid areas that touch your seat fabric or leather.

Maintaining the anti-skid material:

Simply apply several drops of water to the rubber material or spray the top with water. Using your hand, rub it in until its (sic) evenly distributed.

This will renew the grip as well as erase any marks that may come from daily use.

Thank you for purchasing the XXX!

This particular bit, on the right side of the leaflet, doesn't have a single accent, while the left side at least made that particular effort. Maybe they just gave up. I think they must have, because things really start going downhill from here.

Gardez la base en etat de neuf en appliquant une petite quantite d'Armor tout (get it? get it? Armor ALL!) en faisant attention d'eviter les parties qui touche le tissus ou le cuir du siege.

Maintien du materiel anti-derapant:

Simplement ajouter quelques gouttes d'eau au caoutchouc ou pulverisez le dessus avec de l'eau.

En utilisant votre maim frottez j'usqu'a que ce soit egalement repandu.

Ceci renouvellera la poignee et aussi effacera les marques survenues pendant l'usage quotidien

Merci d'acquerir XXX

Please, find the English message below

That was written in big, bold, red letters across the top of an email sent out by an IT department to all employees of a multinational firm. Odds are this was going to be good.

Helpdesk informatique
Diminution du service informatique le 25 septembre 2008

Bonjour,

L'équipe ABC vous informe qu'elle sera à l'extérieur des bureaux le 25 septembre prochain.

Exceptionnellement, le service informatique sera maintenu par un technicien durant la journée. Prendre note que le support XYZ n'est pas touché par cette activité.

Nous sollicitons votre collaboration afin d'adresser les demandes urgentes seulement.

Nous vous remercions pour votre compréhension.

Simple enough, right? Um, no.

IT helpdesk
IT service reduce on September 25th 2008

Hi,

ABC team wants to inform you that they will be out of office on September 25th.

Exceptionally, the service will be maintained by only one technician during the day. Please take note that the XYZ support will not be affected by this activity.

We seek your collaboration by requesting only urgent demand.

We thank you for your comprehension.

Is understandable really enough? I'd like to request an urgent demand, please, with a side of comprehension.

a billboard-sized ouch

Seen on a Smirnoff Ice ad on a billboard by the side of the highway:

"Agrumes et Smirnoff : amis (avec bénéfices)"

I instantly translated back into its original version in my mind, and thought it a half-decent ad. Problem is, I have yet to find a single person who knows this saying in French. Everyone either does what I did or just shrugs. A quick Google search reveals exactly 62 uses of this string of words, most of which are French or Belgian.

Nice try, but no cocktail.

ayoye

I recently acquired a new wireless controller for my game console (so I could sing on RockBand, actually.) Not one of those cheap knockoffs, the original licensed kind. So imagine the horror when I read the back (I won't bother posting the English version; the French is understandable, just WAAAAAY ugly):

Soigneusement lire l'information sur ce packet avant l'usage. Pour les instructions détaillés et méthodes d'usage, se référer aux instructions si dessous ainsi que le livret instructions pour la système AAA.

3 PIELS AAA (NON FOURNIES)

MODE D'EMPLOY

L'installation de Pile Instruction:
- Enlever la couverture de compartiment de pile et installer les piles dans le compartiment (assurer que vos piles sont placées dans la direction indique). Remplacer la couverture de pile une fois complète.
- Insérer le connecteur de récepteur dans au port de contrôleur sur votre système de AAA.
- Allumer votre système AAA.
- Le lien "link" clignotera sur le controlleur pour quelques secondes et le récepteur commencera à chercher le signale.
- Une fois le contrôleur est a mis avec le récepteur, l'indicateur "Link" restera allume. - La lumière "Link" éteindra quand le contrôleur est éteint ou est dans le mode de sommeil.
- Afin d'éviter des conflits entre le fonctionnement de contrôleurs, chaque est distribué une ID unique. Cependant, s'il y a un besoin de metre en liens le contrôleur et le récepteur, simplement appuyer le boutton "Force Link" sur le récepteur en premier, et alors sur le contrôleur. La lumière "Link" clignotera pour quelques secondes et le récepteur commencera à chercher le signale.
- Précaution de sûreté : Suivre les instructions du fabricant de pile auinsi que celle dans votre livret de AAA.
Mode someil:
- Le contrôleur reviendra en mode Someil quand le contrôleur n'est pas utilisé pour une période de deux minutes. Vus pouvez réveillé le controlleur du mode de sommeil en appuyant n'importe quel clefs suivant, "Mode", "Select", "Start", "L3" ou "R3".
Avertissant bas pouvoir:
- Sous les conditions basses de pouvoir, la lumière "Link" clignotera et le mode de vibration éteindra automatiquement.
Vibration:
- Les mode de base du function vibration du contrôleurs est active.
- Pour éteindre la fonction de vibration, appuyer le bouton de vibration une fois. Le contrôleur vibrera deux fois pour confirmer.
- Pour allumer la fonction vibration, appuyer le bouton de vibration une fois et le contrôleur vibrera une fois pour indiquer que la vibration est active.
- Précaution de sûreté : Arrêter utilisant cette unité tout de suite si vous sentez fatigué ou si vous commencez à sentir le malaise ou la douleur pendant l'usage. La fonction de Vibration de ce produit peut aggraver des blessures. Ne pas utiliser la fonction de vibration si vous avez une indisposition ou une blessure aux os, les joints ou les muscles de vos mains ou de vos bras.
BBB garantit à L'acheteur d'origine que ce produit n'aura aucun vie de matériel ni de fabrication pour une periode d'un (1) an à partir du date de l'achat.

OK, I will actually add the limited warranty part in English, because the clauses actually differ! As well, the forces that be just got tired of trying to figure out accents, so they just omitted them entirely.

LIMITED WARRANTY
BBB warrants the original purchaser that this product will be free from defects in material and workmanship for a period of one (1) year from the date of purchase. If this product is deemed to be defective by BBB during the warranty period, BBB's liability will be limited to the repair or replacement of this product. This warranty shall not apply if the product is a) used for commercial purposes (including rental) or is modified or tampered with b) is damaged by misuse, abuse, negligence, accident, wear and tear, or other causes unrelated to defective materials or workmanship.

GARANTIE LIMITÉE
BBB garantit à L'acheteur d'origine que ce produit n'aura aucun vie de materiel ni de fabrication pour une periode d'un (1) an à partir du date de l'achat. Cette garantie ne s'appliquera pas si ce produit a) est utilize a des fins commerciales b) subi des dommanges resultants d'un cas de force majeure, de l'utilisation improper ou abusive. La prevue d'achat sous forme de coupon de caisse ou de facture qui prouve que l'unite est encore couverte par la duree de la dite garantie doit etre presentee afin d'obtenir le service sous garantie.

POUR DES CLIENTS AU CANADA
Cette appareil conforme avec les normes Canadiens ICES-003 2004.

Les Logo de la gamme de produit AAA, CCC et le logo de famille de DDD sont des marques deposées de EEE. Ce produit est fabrique avec l'autorisation de FFF et sous licence par FFF.

SERVICE A LA CLIENTELE
Si vous avez des questions au sujet de ce produit, appelez notre ligne de soutien technique à 1-866-555-5555 appellez nous entre 8am-8pm ou allez à www.www.com.

well, isn't that...original

This one is literally short but sweet.

The lid on my apple sauce cup states that the flavour is "Original APPLE."

Or, as they say in French. "POMMES AU Goût Original."

Hmm, I see... original-tasting apples, you say? Maybe next time I'll try the new-tasting apples, the ones that taste like blueberries!

sleeping with the enemy

Some months ago, I purchased a blanket for lounging in front of the TV. It's an odd little size, 50" by 60", so the simplest way to tell the longest size is by the tag that sticks out one side. It caught my eye when I pulled it out of the washing machine - the horror! I had been sleeping with the enemy all this time.

On one side:

UPC: xxxxxx
Content:
Front:
Back:

Machine wash cold.
Do not bleach.
Tumble dry.
Do not iron.
Do not dry clean.

Made in China

On the other:

PUC: xxxxxx
Composition:
Avant:
Dos:

Lavage froid en machine.
Pas de chlorage
Gringolade sèche
Pas de repassagedé
Pas de nettoyage à sec.

Fabriqué en Chine

OK, if you don't know that UPC is actually CUP, you can just jumble the letters and hope for the best. Unfortunately, this time they struck out. I didn't even know "chlorage" was a word until I Googled it up and got 19,500 hits. I'm even willing to forgive the typo "dé". But "gringolade sèche"? That had me wiping away tears of laughter.

Carlito said what?!?

WWE Superstar Carlito recently gave an interview during a promotional tour in Chile.

Here's the original text in Spanish, as posted by PRWrestling.com:

Al ser preguntado sobre le hecho de que Triple H está casado en la vida real con Stephanie McMahon, el boricua dijo: "Puede que me meta en problemas, pero para eso estoy aquí y no me importa. Mi opinión es que fue una movida muy inteligente de su parte, creo que por eso es campeón ahora y por eso ha sido campeón en varias casiones, el camino se le hace más fácil. Nosotros que somos luchadores verdaderos y no dependemos de personas dentro del negocio para subir de puesto, no tenemos ese beneficio, tenemos que luchar más y dar el máximo. A otros les dan el campeonato en un plato de oro, de platino y me alegro por él", señaló.

Carlito luego añadió: "Cena, aunque hay muchos aquí que lo odian, ustedes no saben lo mucho que él trabaja y lo mucho que adora a sus fanáticos. Ustedes sólo lo ven por televisión y sé que a Cena se lo meten por la boca, por los ojos y los oídos, pero a la vez tendrían que apreciar el esfuerzo y todo lo que hace, no sólo dentro del cuadrilátero. Siempre está haciendo promociones a nivel mundial, tiene pocos días libres, él los dedica a los fanáticos. Por más que odien a John Cena tienen que respetarlo", afirmó.

"A Triple H nunca lo he visto haciendo promociones, no lo veo viajando a Chile, Paraguay, sitios así, él siempre está comodito en su casa y eso indica quién le da a ustedes el ciento por ciento y quién no", agregó el boricua.

Of course, attacking Triple H publically is a pretty ballsy thing to do, so the story was picked up by a plethora of wrestling news websites. In most cases, it would appear that each one translated the bits they wanted to publish on their own, with varying levels of success. One site, though, takes the cake with its take on what Carlito said:

Upon being asked about Triple H's marriage with Stephanie McMahon, he said: "That put me in problems, but for that I am here and it does not matter to me. My opinion is that was a very intelligent scene of its part, I believe that therefore he is champion now and therefore has been champion in several occasions. We that are true fighters do not depend on people inside the business to rise from position, we do not have that benefit, we have to fight more and give the maximum. To others they give them the championship in a dish of gold or platinum, and I'm happy for him".

Carlito then added about John Cena: "Although there are many here that hate him, you do not know how much he works and how much he worships his fanatics. He's always doing promotions on a worldwide basis, has few free days, he dedicates himself to the fanatics. No matter how much they hate Cena, they have to respect him."

"To Triple H never I have seen him doing promotions, I don't see him travelling to Chile, Paraguay, or any other place, he always is comfortable in his house and that indicates who gives you one hundred percent and who not", Carlito added.

Um, what? From the very beginning, where "This might land me in hot water" is rendered as "That put me in problems," you knew we were in for a rough ride. I also like how the bit about the road being easier for Triple H just disappears. So does the second sentence about John Cena. As well, once it was translated, couldn't they have fixed "fanatics"? And finally, "and who not"? Really? Is that like a dead resident of Whoville or something?

Actually, what happens if we Babelfish the original? Here's the result of the first paragraph:

Perhaps it puts to me in problems, but for that I am here and it does not matter to me. My opinion is that one very intelligent one was moved of its part, I believe that for that reason he is champion now and for that reason has been champion in several occasions, the way to him becomes easier. We who we are true fighters and do not depend on people within the business to raise of position, do not have that benefit, must fight and give the maximum more. To others they give the championship them in a gold plate, of platinum and I am glad for him.

Actually, what happens is something very, very similar...and just as bad. Although if you really want to giggle, Babelfish the second paragraph and enjoy hearing about the exploits of John Dinner.

not evil, but an evil task

I sat on the fence for a while, wondering whether to post this one. It's not a bad translation; heck, it looks like the translators really tried. Of course, that may be part of the problem. It looks like a translation, and it does not succeed, marketing-wise, in the target language. Of course, the translators probably weren't given the latitude required to adapt the text into French, which is what was called for in this instance. As well, I can hardly disguise the origin of this text, if you care to look it up, but I won't state the manufacturer outright. Here goes:

The original:

Bounce technology replaces traditional foam material with bouncy, structured elements that stretch and pop back to launch you into your next step.

Only the best and bounciest make it into these shoes. Big cushioning. Big bounce.

And in French:

La nouvelle technologie Bounce remplace la mousse traditionnelle par des éléments structurés qui s'étendent et reprennent rapidement leur forme donnant plus d'élan à votre prochaine foulée.

Seuls les meilleurs matériaux, les plus élastiques et rebondissants, se retrouvent dans ces chaussures. Excellent amortissement. Excellent rebond.

Nice try, but ouch.

I thought words mattered?!?

Ever since I started translating, I've noticed that a lot of English-language journalists translate French news quotes off the cuff, with varying levels of success.

This one caught my eye in the morning paper. In an article about protesters targeting the Unborn Victims of Crime Act, the reporter describes a sign brandished by a protester:

Epp, Harper: Je vais ce que je veux avec mes oeufs.

somehow turned into

What I do with my ovaries is up to me.

Um, close but no cigar. Somebody needs a refresher course in basic biology/anatomy/sex ed.

the future is not very franco-friendly

Nelson Dumais, tech writer for Montreal's French daily La Presse, just had a hissy fit over a poorly-written press release (in French.)

His post attracted the comments of a number of translators who were convinced (as was I) that the press release was initially written in English. A quick search on the Telus website turned up the original version.

I don't usually publicize the names of the owners of these aberrations, but I didn't start this one; I just thought it would be right at home on this blog.

now make sure you take part in that information, you hear?

The French version is poor to begin with (the "apprécierions" false cognate, the fact that the person is only required to sign to attest they have read the document, not that they will actually comply! And I could go on.)

Cher fournisseur,

Comme vous le savez déjà, XXX, une division de YYY, est une compagnie appartenant maintenant à 100% à ZZZ. Nous mettons à jour actuellement nos systèmes communs de ZZZ et nous avons constaté que vous n’avez pas encore signé les conditions générales d’achat de ZZZ. Depuis quelques années XXX se réfère à la norme de ZZZ concernant ses conditions générales d’achat.

Nous apprécierions obtenir votre signature à l’effet que vous avez bien reçu la présente lettre et pris connaissance de son contenu. (voir plus bas pour signature)

□ Je confirme au nom de mon entreprise que nous avons reçu la présente lettre et pris connaissance de son contenu.

Of course, at this point, the translation can only go from bad to worse. Although congratulations are in order for adding the "and accept" bit, I would still need someone to explain to me what I would be signing, since I cannot quite seem to wrap my mind around the "taken part of the complete information of it" part. So, we accept the letter? The information? It's still not quite accepting to abide by the terms and conditions, is it? I would love to see how this would be picked apart in court by a mob of angry lawyers.

Dear supplier:

As you know, XXX, a division of YYY, is now a ZZZ company to 100% since not so long. We are currently updating our common ZZZ systems and we have found that you have not signed our ZZZ Standard Purchasing Conditions. Since a couple of years XXX refers to the ZZZ Standard Purchasing conditions as valid conditions on all purchase orders.

We would appreciate getting the signature on the attached documentation about the ZZZ Purchasing Conditions.

□ I confirm on behalf of my company that we have received this letter and have taken part of the complete information of it, and accept it.

how much mischief can a five-letter word cause?

All kinds, apparently.

At a downtown mall, there are about a dozen leather recliner-type massage chairs that will soothe your overworked, all-shopped-out back and behind for a few minutes for a few bucks.

On each headrest, the company thought of embroidering "Enjoy a massage!" as advertisement when the recliners are unoccupied. But this being Quebec, someone had to come up with a French version. The final product:

Appréciez un massage!

This a classic false cognate (or false friend) that translates back to "Assess a massage!". Not only that, but even if you grant the French "apprécier" the same meaning as the English "appreciate", it still sounds clunky and awkward. You cannot just enjoin someone to appreciate something - not in French at any rate.

out of the corner of my eye

My boyfriend bought a Bluetooth headset yesterday. The French translation on the box was impeccable, as were the instruction manuals included with the device.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, on the underside of the box:

Made in Taiwan - Fait dans le Taïwan

Now, if there was ever a group of words that did not need "re-translating"...that had to be it.

As I was about to put the box back down, something else caught my eye, right on the front of the packaging. The features were in both languages - no complaints there - but down in the corner, it appears that "Innovations International CES" had awarded this particular product a "Design & Engineering Showcase Honors" prize. Well done! Of course, the logo itself was not translated, and that was OK. But the explanatory note next to the logo read:

Award Winning Design - Attribuer Gagner la Conception

'Nuff said.

well, isn't that special

Here we go, in the original English:

Dear customer,

Thank you for choosing XXX as your one stop shop for all your communication needs. Here at XXX we believe in providing world class customer service and putting our customers first.

In reviewing our year-end records, we noticed that we have not yet received your updated documentation for proof of tax exemption. We want to ensure that you continue to benefit from tax exemption status.

If you still qualify for a tax exemption please forward us with proof. We require complete copies (front and back) of valid proof, of exemption, such as a Native Status Card, Diplomat passport or Official Signed Government Letterhead. Also please ensure to add your account number and the tax for which you are requesting an exemption.

All documentation can be faxed directly to us at 1-888-555-5555 or mailed to XXX. In order to avoid any disruption to your tax exemption, we will require all documentation by (date1). If you no longer qualify for a tax exemption, no action is required. If we do not hear from you, the exemption will be removed from your account as of (date1) and applicable taxes will be added to charges on your next invoice.

If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to call our customer service number at 1-888-555-5555. If for any reason you are not able to provide us the required documentation by (date1) and need to make special arrangements you may do so by contacting us at the above numbers.

Sincerely,

And now, on the reverse side of this letter:

(date, in English)

Nous vous remercions d'avoir choisi XXX comme fournisseur unique pour tous vos besoins en matière de communication. Ici à XXX, nous voulons fournir un service à la clientèle de classe mondiale et toujours mettre nos clients en premier.

Dans nos rapports de fin d'année, nous avons remarqué que nous n'avons pas encore reçu les documents mis à jour de votre preuve d'admissibilité à l'exemption des taxes. Nous voulons nous assurer que vous continuerez de bénéficier du statut de l'exemption des taxes.

Si vous êtes encore admissible à l'exemption des taxes, veuillez nous en envoyer la preuve. Nous exigeons les copies complètes (recto verso) des preuves d'exemption valides, telles que la carte de statut indien, le passeport diplomatique ou la Lettre portant l'en-tête officiel du gouvernement. Veuillez vous assurer aussi d'indiquer votre numéro de compte et la taxe pour laquelle vous demandez l'exemption.

Vous pouvez nous faire parvenir tous les documents directement par télécopieur au numéro 1-888-555-5555 ou les envoyer par courrier à XXX. Afin d'éviter toute interruption de votre exemption de taxes, nous exigeons tous les documents avant le (date1). Si vous n'êtes plus éligible à l'exemption des taxes, aucune action n'est requise. Si nous ne recevons pas de nouvelles, l'exemption sera supprimée de votre compte en date du (date2), et les taxes applicables seront ajoutées à vos frais sur la facture suivante.

Si vous avez des questions ou des préoccupations, n'hésitez pas à nous contacter directement au 1-888-555-5555. Si pour une raison quelconque vous ne serez pas en mesure de nous fournir les documents nécessaires avant le (date1), et que vous avez besoin d'arrangements spéciaux, veuillez nous contacter au numéros mentionnées ci-dessus.

Veuillez agréer, Monsieur/Madame, l'expression de nos salutations distinguées.

Now, I could go on about how the dates don't match up between the two versions, how there are even mistakes in the original, how certain passages are more than a little clumsy, how the punctuation is really weird, but how overall, it was a better effort than a lot of the texts I will post here.

Instead, I will merely state that this was received last September from my former cell-phone provider. OK, I am not, and I never have been, a Native, a diplomat or a government official; furthermore, I have not done business with this partcular company for nearly five years. Why? Well, mostly because they got into this habit of calling me to complain I had not paid their bill about two days before I got said bill in the mail. They did this, regardless of the date of my last payment, for six months. Then I told them to @#$% off. So I should thank them for proving me right. But I digress.

Accuracy trumps appropriate language use any day of the week.

we did it! we bastards!

This one was given to me by perhaps my favourite translation professor (Hi Roy!), so I thought I'd pass it on. It (obviously) went from French to English, except it went very very wrong.

Communiqué de presse

Chasse aux voleurs :

On a volé la plque commémorative du Grand Antonio !!

Montréal, vendredi 17 septembre 2004 - Quelques heures à peine se sont écoulées entre l'inauguration officielle de la plaque commémorative du Grand Antonio et le vol de celle-ci survenu la nuit dernière.

Alerté ce matin par une résidente du quartier qui était présente lors de l'événement hier soir au 3211 Beaubien Est, XXX à prévenue (sic) la police de Montréal qui est présentement à la recherche d'informations au sujet du vol.

Malgré cet acte de vandalisme et d'intimidation, XXX souhaite reproduire une 2ème plaque identique.

Toutes informations pertinentes (sic) concernant le vol peuvent être communiquées par téléphone au 555-5555.

And here we go in English, and it's a beaut:

Press Release

Thief hunt:

We stole the commemorative plaque honoring the Great Antonio !!

Montreal, Friday september 18th, 2004 - It had only been couple of hours between the official inauguration of the commemorative plaque honoring The Great Antonio and it's robbery that occured during the past night.

Alerted by a neighborhood resident who was present at last night's event at 3211 Beaubien East street, XXX alarmed the City of Montreal Police who are presently searching for information concerning the theft.

Although this intimidating act of vandalism took place, XXX wishes to reproduce a second identical plaque.

If you have any information on the robbery please communicate at 555-5555.

perspicacités verticales ?

This one was forwarded by a friend of mine with the comment, "This is what the world will look like when you are no longer around..." It was a bilingual .pdf sent by email, and as long as the reader only read the English version, which came first, the company pretty much retained its credibility.

Dear AAA member,

BBB, a leading fact-based, market research firm has partnered with CCC to bring you exclusive access to the latest BBB analysis, market-moving news and vertical insights. A subsidiary of $1.3 billion DDD (NYSE:DDD), BBB has benchmarked hundreds of thousands of companies priorities for success.

BBB Access allows members the full breadth of BBB's research library. With more than 5,500 research pieces and growing daily, BBB's research library helps you, the end user, discover the priorities of Best in Class enterprises.

This program, a $995 per user value, is being presented in conjunction with CCC. As a member of CCC, you are eligible for a one-year, complimentary membership to BBB Access.

Additionally, you will be able to anonymously benchmark your own organization's performance against the performance of Aberdeen's Best in Class enterprises.

Located on the CCC web site will be a banner allowing access to BBB's library. Just visit the homepage at www. to get started with your free membership in less than 30 seconds. Your private access to a world of fact-based research is just a click away.

Once again, welcome to the world of BBB.

Best regards,

Once in French, though...

Cher membre de câble coaxial,

BBB, une conduite fait-basée, entreprise d'études du marché a collaboré avec CCC pour t'apporter l'accès exclusif à la dernière analyse de BBB, aux nouvelles marchés-mobiles et aux perspicacités verticales. Une filiale des DDD $1.3 milliards (NYSE:DDD). BBB a évalué des centaines de milliers de priorités de compagnies pour le succès.

BBB permet à ses membres la pleine largeur de la bibliothèque des recherches de BBB. Avec plus de 5.500 documents de recherches et s'élevant quotidien, les aides de bibliothèque des recherches de BBB vous, l'utilisateur, découvrez les priorités du meilleur entreprises de classe.

Ce programme, $995 par personne, est présenté en même temps que CCC. En tant que membre de CCC, vous êtes éligible une adhésion d'une année et élogieuse à BBB.

En plus, vous pourrez évaluer anonyme l'exécution de votre propre organisation contre l'exécution de BBB les entreprises meilleurs dans la classe.

Situé sur le site Web de CCC être une bannière en permettant l'accès à la bibliothèque de BBB. Visitez la page d'accueil chez www. et commencez votre adhésion libre en moins de 30 secondes. Votre accès privé à un monde de recherche fait-basée est juste un clic loin.

De nouveau, bienvenue au monde de BBB.

Les souvenirs,

rule #1: do not spontaneously translate your company name

This one caught us by surprise at work. It solicits us to advertise in their magazine, an English-language magazine distributed almost exclusively to an American audience. Yet here was this email...in French.

Cher Helene :

J'ai noté votre annonce de pleine page dans la question d'avril de AAA, et je suis curieux quant à vos pensées derrière courir cette annonce en leur magasin. BBB a toutes les bases de données de AAA et de CCC, environ 2.000-3.000 parce que nous sommes des membres des deux associations. Ma question est pourquoi vous courent une annonce en leur magasin quand nous avons 15.000 personnes sur notre circulation ? Je vous apprécierais m'éclairant car il me permettra de faire mon travail mieux.

Joint est notre kit courant de médias et notre information d'annuaire de BBB pour votre revue. Évidemment, nous voudrions avoir plus de vos affaires et voudrions savoir l'obtenir. Peut-être, XXX a une nouveaux produit ou a obtenu un contrat/ordre importants. Si oui, je pourrais essayer d'obtenir XXX un certain éditorial dans un magazine prochain.

L'annuaire de BBB est nos Yellow Pages annuels de `' et est le seul dans l'industrie, et je pense que ceci peut être une option viable pour toi.

Merci à l'avance, et j'attends avec intérêt votre réponse. Serez-vous à l'exposition d'AAA ? Nous exhibons là aussi bien et les clients courants visitants.

Sincèrement,

Now, honestly, that was horrendous, for so many reasons that this humble blog cannot begin to describe them all. But it gets even funnier in the signature, where not only is the magazine name translated in (horrible) French, but it's not even the same bad translation as it is in the body of the email:

Côte 555-555-5555 x 7 occidentale
555-555-5555 côte est
555-555-5555 fax

Austin, Baltimore,
Pi. Lauderdale, et L. A.

"Pi. Lauderdale"??? Took a few seconds to realize their system had read "Ft." as Foot (like the measure of length), not Fort, and thus translated into the abreviation for "pied", "Pi."

So how did this all turn out? Well, we were in fact present at said expo, and we met with the person we usually deal with at this magazine. She was horrified, but did mention in passing that the "entrepreneurial" soul who had produced this gem was no longer with the company. Hmm.

a nasty, nasty collection

Hi all.

This is my secondary blog, in which I will post truly shining examples of translation horribleness.

At worst, it is a constant reminder of why my profession is still not merely relevant, but utterly necessary in a world of Babelfish-type translation tools.

Most likely, you might get a giggle out of it.

At best, these companies will recognize their work (even though I will take care to remove all identifying terms) and rely on an actual professional the next time around.

Enjoy.

c.